All in the Mind

The Catalyst Merry Go-Round

Jersey
A catalyst is a substance that increases the rate of a chemical reaction without itself undergoing any permanent chemical change.

Friends, they are a funny thing. I have moved more times in the last twenty five years than most people do in a life time. I enjoy it, the changes.

Someone asked me once what I am running from, but i think the question is, what am I looking for?
Everywhere I go, I make a few friends. My family would not call me the social butterfly, but I make a few core friends — for the time I am there.

I’ve bumped into a couple of “friends” from my past and they tell me that I was that one that lost contact with them. I beg to differ, not to be stubborn, but it takes two to tango. I have managed to find a core group of friends that I have never lost contact with, no matter the time or the place or the distance. I can count on one hand how many people that includes.

One thing I have noticed over the years, is that my idea of friendship is very different than others. While I’m in the same physical space as they are, we hang from time to time — never enough for me. Unlike most people I thrive when I’m in the company of others. My mom once told a friend of hers who commented on all my toys I wasn’t playing with, that if she gave me a human I would be happier. I rarely like being alone, not that I mind it, but my preference would be to be around people more often than not.

I have recently moved — again — and currently working on the long distance friendships. As I get setup in my new life, I hear from them how much I am missed, they reminisce on the times we spent together, they wish I was still there. While I am flattered and I feel loved and missed, my perception is quite different than that. It’s not that I don’t miss them, the game nights, the time spent watching them playing softball, or the just hanging out and talking. I miss those times tremendously — I miss them a lot.

It’s just I see those past events as rare occurances. It was not like we hung out every night or even every weekend. Usually the get togethers where we had fun were on the weekends. It was rarer that we’d do anything during the week when I needed the attention the most.

It seems to me from these hundreds of miles between us, that they get together even more now that I am gone than when I was there. I remember commenting on this one of my core friends and they said that was because I was the catalyst. I was the one that brought everyone together to mix and mingle in the beginning and even though they didn’t meet up as much as I liked while I was there, they now meet more because of me. I’m missed after the fact.

The catalyst: a person or thing that precipitates an event.

I’d like to stop being the catalyst and just have more people in my life to fill my time. I think a large loud family would have suited me well. I like the noise, some mellow drama and angst, the warmth, the support, the love. Mom,as usual, was right. I’d rather have a human to to play with than a toy any day.

 

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Perception is Everything

Jersey

In the Air Force there were strict rule of Do’s and Don’ts, common phrases, acronyms, and eloquent, but to the point statements. One that has stuck with me is “Perception is Everything.”

 

Metamorphosis I

Metamorphosis I (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

It doesn’t matter that the truth is different, it is what it looks like that matters.

The statement came about while we were in class about PDA (public display of affection) and Fraternization is punishable under the UCMJ. Fraternization is where one person is involved with another of a higher rank and favoritism may occur.

The story went that an officer was hanging out, off duty, with an enlisted member. The relationship was strictly platonic and no favoritism was directed toward the enlisted member, but the familiarity between the two lead the enlisted peers to think they were more than friends. Because of this perception, the enlisted member was court martialed and the officer reprimanded.

During the court martial it was shown that there was no favoritism by the officer toward the enlisted; however, the perception persisted and even though the enlisted person was exonerated of all charges, the career was short lived.

While we cannot live up to everyone’s expectations, real or perceived, unless you want to live in an isolated world, perceptions do impact you and the way you live your life. You can minimize the impact or misleading perceptions by communicating better with the people in your life, but ultimately people will perceive you their own way. Just look at social media and they way we perceive people we don’t know based on a comment here or there without any of the background to put the issue in context.

A few months back a Jersey friend of mine was stating how it was cool that I could move on with my life and go where I needed (or thought I needed) to go. She wished, in some ways, that she could too. I laughed because on the flip side, my perception of her life was something I aimed for. A life full of family and friends, people to meet and share memories with.

As I was writing this piece, perception came up again with a Virginia friend. We were commiserating about where we are in our life. Neither one of us were where we dreamed we would be. It’s not that life is bad, but we wanted more or rather different people and places and experiences at this stage in life. During this exchanged she pointed out all that I had accomplished, been, and currently have in my life. My perception was not on what was, but what I’m missing; it’s not that I’m missing a lot, but a couple key pieces that make the rest of my life blur.

On the flip side, my perception of her life was, like my Jersey friend, one of warmth of family and friends, of holiday’s and places and experiences shared by loved ones.

As close as I am with both these people,it’s amazing that the perception we have about the other is focused on something different that what we internally see as complete. While none of us are unhappy, I think we each recognize there is that small piece or two that we don’t have in our current life that might just make us complete.

Perception is everything. It makes us happy or sad or wanting what someone else has. Change your perception and you might just change your life for the better.

 

Inspirations

Jersey
Inspiration Trail

Inspiration Trail

Inspiration is a funny thing. You never know when it is going to hit you or from where it will come or who. It seems like inspiration, like attachments, form mostly without rhyme or reasons.

My love of biking goes all the way back to my childhood. I was about eight when I was racing up and down the street and around the block. It was the late seventies when kids could be kids and parents didn’t micromanage your every movement.

I declared one day, as I was timing an imaginary race (like Greg LeMond) around the block that I would be the first woman bike racer. The dream was quickly quashed by a scoffing adult and it took a while, but my love of biking and going fast never died, even though the hopes of being a bike racer did. No matter where I went, no matter what I did, no matter who was in my life, biking was a part of me. It was a way to relax, to summon my inner muse and creative stories to write about. It was me.

Greg LeMond inspired me to ride and and Jimmy! kept me consistent. He was a neighbor, like seven feet tall. No, really he was. I stood just over 3 feet – well ok maybe a little more than that.

Anyway, whenever I talked myself out of riding for the day he would come along and poke and prod until without knowing it we were soaring up and down the hills of Ohio. Don’t get me wrong this was not a one way street. I was equally responsible for prodding him onto a bike when he was less than motivated. We made the perfect team, Jimmy! easily out pedaling me 3 to 1 and me racing to catch him. We did manage to keep fairly consistent.

As time and things have a habit of doing, I moved away and lost my biking buddy. I managed to keep consistent for a few years, but ultimately without a biking buddy my consistency slipped. Before I knew it I found myself not biking. I have lots of “reasons”. I was too busy, I had no one to ride with, I didn’t have a safe place to ride. Truth is, I lost my love of biking. It did not bring me the joy I remember. I stopped riding for a long long time. Sometimes your love of something is not enough.

One day, this changed. Someone inspired me to ride. It wasn’t intentional. I’m sure, even to this day, she has no idea that she inspired me to get on my bike and ride again. It happened in such a benign odd way that it took me a while to realize that she had inspired me, had lit a fire of my love for biking.

It started with her signing off from work that she was going for a ride. I remember wishing that I could join her. She sounded ecstatic (like I used to) by getting outside and flying as fast as you could.

Due to our locations (a few thousand miles separated us) we could not ride together. She would post about the route, distance and speed. It was that last bit that got me to thinking, is that good? Could I go ten miles in under forty minutes? That sounded fast. Was it fast?

The chatting of biking and techniques and the posts started to ignite the cooling embers of my long dormant passion.

It was the post of going ten miles in thirty five minutes that did it. I walked out to the garage, dusted off my bike, filled the tires and set off to see. Was I as fast as I remember? I bet anything I could beat that, even after not riding for the last couple three years.

There is nothing like the wind rushing over you, the sun on your face and arms, the blur of trees and concrete that fuel one’s desire to push harder, to breath more efficiently, to be better, to let go.

IT.FELT.GOOD.

I found myself competing with the miles and times she was posting. It gave me a goal, an obtainable goal. It took me a few rides, but not only did I match the initial goal as she got better, but I exceed it. Each ride made me stronger and more determined.

While I have not had the luck to find another riding buddy, I have managed to keep my love of biking alive and fairly consistent. Unfortunately, I wish I could say the same for her. While we have drifted apart over the last couple of years, I was saddened to learn that it had been months since she had rode. Injuries aside, the person who inspired me to ride again has lost her passion for the sport. We talked about riding briefly, but like a smile that doesn’t reflect in your eyes, the enthusiasm and joy that motivated me was missing . I wish I could return the favor. I hope that she will be inspired by someone or something that will make her remember the joy of riding. The feeling of the sun the rush of the air the friendly solitude of it all.

I will forever be grateful for the inspirations that brought biking to me time and again.

May the wind be at your back and all the hills be down.

Intutition

Jersey

Intuition is a funny thing. There is a fine line between listening to the universe guiding you and reading into things to get what you think you want.

I wanted desperately for my life to be a certain way, with specific people in it that I ignored all the red flags, made excuses for them and ultimately stopped listening to my intuition.  While my life was not horrible by any stretch of the imagination, it was far from the life I wanted, the life I had planned for myself as I embarked on adulthood.

One day, during a long drive north and then south and then north and then south again, I realized I was day dreaming about being somewhere else with people who were not currently in my life. It was during these ten to twelve hours of solitude that I realized I had talked myself into being content. A euphemism people use when they are neither unhappy nor happy. Which at the end of the day means, I wasn’t happy.

When the universe pushed me to make a decision, stay content or start over, I decided to start over. It was the hardest and most painful thing I have ever done.

The months that followed were such a roller coaster of peace, debates, arguments, threats, and more drama. Through it all I tried to find my voice, my intuition, but I had suppressed it for so long that I didn’t recognize the signs as they appeared before me. Ultimately, even my friends pointed out the odd coincidences that seem to come at me — and them.

I continued to debate with myself for months, I was just seeing what I wanted wasn’t I? I wanted something to change so badly and so much that I was creating meaning out of random events and ideas and conversations.

Things, people, and finally places lined up in the only way they could to clear the path that I chose to follow. I still have friends that say it means nothing more than the meaning I put into it and others that say, my thoughts became things. Either side fence that you fall on, one thing everyone agrees on — including all my doubts: I am closer to who I should be, wanted to be all those years ago when I took my first step into adulthood.

I am where I should be right now at this moment. My voice is becoming stronger,my intuition is spot on,and I am becoming who I have been dreaming about.

Synchronicity vs Coincidences

Jersey

There is a current debate between me and one of my friends. My friend, who shall remain nameless, thinks that life is life and you just go bobbing along with the flow. No reason for things that happen or don’t happen.

Me? Well, I believe that life is what you bring into existence and if you look for guidance it will be there.  Most people call them coincidences (she or he does too). I don’t think there are such animals, I think of these random events that link together as synchronicity.

You can call them signs or coincidences or looking for hidden meanings in everyday things, but when you intentionally or unintentionally put your wishes, wants, and desires out there the world/universe will move people, places, and circumstances into your life for you to follow.

Maybe I read into things in an urgent need to have my desires manifest quickly, but that is neither here nor there.  What I can tell you is that all my life, when I sit back and look at things objectively (as objectively as a passionate human being can), my life has gone about exactly as I wanted (with a few unexpected surprises that still ended me exactly where I should have been at that moment).  Things manifested they way they did because I wanted something or wanted to be somewhere. When I ignored the synchronicity (signs, coincidences, whatever you want to call them) I am usually presented with a very unhappy set of things that put me ultimately in the space I wanted to be in the first place. That is how I ended up in the Air Force — a story for another time.

While I’m not here to convince you one way of the other, I will say, that I have a few friends (even the one that believes in coincidences) who have mentioned that I have the power to bring into my life exactly what I want — just not always in the time frame that I want.

I currently sit in a new place in a new town that I scribbled down (in detail) in a notebook over a year ago.  Faint images are appearing on the periphery of the other people and things I want to fill my life. If I can find the patience and still the outside noise and doubts, and listen to the songs,sayings, and people in my life then I will be guided to the spots at the correct time.

Now if I can only figure out what that song on the radio means.