I’ve spent the last week on the beach. It was a smooth flight from start to finish. Not easy to say when the trip involves flying.
This next week is about putting things into perspective and completing clean up work before heading back to the daily grind. Through this journey I realized there are 3 steps in the aftermath of drama/trauma.
Accept Your Part
The first step is to accept your part in the situation. No matter the obstacle, mental, physical, or emotional, you have to recognize the issue. I mean completely recognize it. Not blaming others or life or God because that’s not only the easy way out, but also detracts from your involvement too. You must accept your part of the trauma. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but you cannot grow, cannot move on unless you recognize all the parts of the issue; from the people involved to the circumstances contributing to it, which includes you. Once you lay out the pieces you can map a path to get through it and in some cases that means you need to stand up for yourself and/or those that you love.
Step Into the Fight
The second step to recovering from past drama/trauma is to get through it. Unfortunately, sometimes the only way to the other side is to fight your way there. Whether it be for justice in the courts, physical therapy from injury or breaking free from negative people, the only way to move on is through it. It will not be easy, it will be painful, but it can be done. This is where you learn who your friends and family are. Those that stand next to you free of judgment are the ones you want to be in your life, now and in the future. You need to do what is in your best interest, there is nothing wrong with fighting for what you want. Fight if you must, not for the activity of fighting, but for becoming a better you.
This third step is not as easy as it sounds. When you fight for so long, when you try, and keep trying, to get past the pain and the illusions of the past, it’s easy to forget not only who you are, but who you wanted to be. You need to recognize when the fight is over, win or lose. You cannot carry on the fight forever. If you lose the fight then you need to accept it and let go. Carrying on a battle, no matter how righteous, is self defeating. Let go, step back, and find yourself. Who do you want to be? What did the fight cost you (take into account mental, emotional, physical, and financial costs)? After all that, ask yourself: Who Am I? No matter how short the fight was, no matter how little the cost was, you have changed. You are not the same person you were before. After you take stock, are you happy with the new you? Are you who you wanted to be at this point?
My particular battle has include a little of everything, but I have finally reached a point where I can say I recognize and accept my part in the drama/trauma, that this last week was the end of the fight, now I can step back and let go. I am taking a couple weeks off from life to figure out how to move on and do clean up work.
I took time to remind myself who I was before the drama by reconnecting with old friends, talking about the before, during, and aftermath. I took time to enjoy the sand and sunrises, and waves. I thought about everything and nothing. Most importantly, I slept. Good long deep sleeps that I have not had in a long time.
Some of my moving on was started a few months ago. I started planting seeds for the person I was meant to be before all this drama/trauma started. Some of my plants are starting to bloom. Now I am going to create some structure and nurture the seeds that have not come to light — yet.