The last few months have been interesting. There was a time where I craved to have too much to do. Now,looking at my calendar for the next couple of months, I realized that I have brought that to be. I have more commitments, personal and work, than I have time.
I don’t believe in the adage, be careful what you wish for. I am a big believer that you bring into your life what you want and need, but if you’re not paying attention then what you bring into your life can be off kilter or down right bad. You plateau, you stagnate, you run into one obstacle after another.
A few years ago, more than I care to admit to, I gradually stopped paying attention. I went numb and let life push me wherever it wanted to. I didn’t focus on my internal well being, desires, or goals. Superficially, I did. Consciously, I thought the correct things, did the right things, be who society and work and life expected of me.
A couple years back, I made some radical changes in my life. I took stock of my personal and professional life and it dawned on me that I was not anywhere near where I had planned to be at this point in my life.
My life is completely different from 2 years ago — heck, it’s completely different than it was even 1 year ago.
What changed? Me, I started paying attention again.
As I sit on my patio in the cool sunset of the evening and reflect where I was, what I have been through, where I am, and where I want to go, I realize that the major starting point to this current place is me.
My life starting evolving the moment I realized that I was content.For me content is no happy. It’s an excuse not to challenge myself to grow.
I started to meditate again. I grew calm and still and thought about all those plans I made in grade school, in high school, in the Air Force. I read books and theories and wondered where I had gone wrong. Why did I zig when clearly I should have zagged?
To me, the path was muddled because I stopped thinking, stopped dreaming, stopped mediating, stopped …
As I take a look around me, where I am, what I’m doing, it is coming together. The pieces of the puzzle are there, some are fitting together. There’s still a couple holes there, but overall the picture is getting built and becoming clear.
All I had to do was actively think about it, meditate about it, and let the universe find the scattered pieces and bring them to my table.